Category Archives: The Writers Play…

Sit in with the writers of The Doderman Defense as they play a game and tell you about it! Entertainment ensues. If you have suggestions for a game we should play, let us know! Unlike most other columns, not a weekly feature.

5th Edition: The Party

As Pain mentioned a few weeks ago, the gang started playing fifth edition D&D a little while back. (“The gang” being Pain, Snout [but not Hicks], myself [the DM- Larry has taught me a lot], and three more associates that are not part of the writing staff of The Doderman Defense.) Last time, Pain gave you a pretty thorough writeup on his character, so I figured I would give you the overview of the party as a whole.

Quelfbert, human wizard (player: Pain)

Discoverer (and only practitioner of) “herb magic”, he uses his signature move, Fire Bolt, to keep its secrets out of the hands of anyone working on the side of evil. Anyone good, however, is welcome to partake.

Kava, dragonborn fighter (player: Snout)

Dual wields longswords. Also, as part copper dragon, she has a breath weapon of deadly acid that can be used three times a day. Sensibly, a follower of Chronepsis. As such, will both kill you, and not even remotely care about it.

Rikorsky, drow paladin (player: non-staff member Matt)

Fleeing from the Underdark, he survived as a petty thief on the streets, before being taken in as an apprentice to a traveling paladin. Now travels the righteous path as a worshiper of Tyr, but hasn’t been able to completely deny his old, criminal desires.

Cid, halfling rogue (player: non-staff member Rob)

Quick with a rapier, and even quicker with your money. Will steal your coin purse before you even knew you had one. Uses his position in the cartographer’s guild to case houses for jobs.

Omnitate, high elf druid (player: non-staff member Aaron)

Spends most of his time in his brown bear wild shape. Fancies himself an investigator, and has a soft spot for the downtrodden. Takes it upon himself to be the face of the group when dealing with the public.

The Chief (I had originally made a dwarf rogue, Krone, before I decided to DM instead of play. Cid joined in session two)


This Is Where I Corner You And Tell You About My Character

So we finally broke down and did it. We downloaded the PDFs, we got the new rulebooks, and we rolled up characters… for 5th edition. That decision and the ramifications thereof are discussed elsewhere. Here, we simply note my character in detail; the party’s wizard.

Quincillius Pervosa Quelfbert is his name, but he mostly goes by his family name, or simply Q. He is an aged male human wizard with a considerable drug habit.

Name: Quincillius Pervosa Quelfbert   Class and Level: Wizard 1   Background: Hermit   Race: Human   Alignment: Neutral Good   Experience Points: 0

Age: 75 years   Height: 5′ 6″   Weight: 150 lbs.   Eyes: twinkling, mad light blue   Skin: Pale and wrinkled  Hair: Stringy, white and long, with a bald spot and a full (if wispy) beard.

Proficiency Bonus: +2   Inspiration: –    Armor Class: 11   Initiative: +1   Speed: 30 feet   HP: 7   Hit Dice: 1d6

Strength: 13 (+1)

Dexterity: 13 (+1)

Constitution: 13 (+1)

Intelligence: 16 (+3) – Saving throws (5), Arcana (15), Investigation (20), Religion (15)

Wisdom: 15 (+2) – Saving throws (4), Insight (14), Medicine (14)

Charisma: 14 (+2)

Passive Wisdom (Perception): 19

Personality traits: I am oblivious to etiquette and social expectations.

Ideals: My gifts are meant to be shared with all good beings.

Bonds: Should my discovery ever fall into the wrong hands, it could bring ruin to the world.

Flaws: I constantly use silly rhymes, make bad puns, and crack corny jokes; what makes this particularly awful is my total inability to understand appropriate socialization.

Features, Traits, and the like: Spell casting, Arcane Recovery, Observant

Proficiencies: Daggers, Darts, Slings, Quarterstaffs, Light Crossbows, Herbalism Kit

Attacks: Quarter staff – +3 – 1d6+1 (1-handed), 1d8+1 (2-handed) Bludgeoning damage

Light Crossbow – +3 – 1d8 Piercing damage

Languages: Common, Draconic, Dwarvish

Equipment: Quarterstaff, Spell component pouch, Scholars pack, Scroll case of notes (personal studies), Winter blanket, Common clothes, Herbalism kit, Light Crossbow, Sheaf of 20 crossbow bolts, Arcane focus (Orb), Travelling clothes, Pack mule, Saddlebags, Explorer’s pack, Night cap of pleasant dreams

Treasure: 5 GP

Character backstory: Quelfbert began his hermitage to unlock the deepest and most ancient secrets of smoking herbs. After years of study, which wore his sanity down into a threadbare veil, he found the secret which he sought; the secret of the weed of the gods. Overwhelmed with the magnitude of his discovery and nearly mad, he emerges from his hermitage, seeking companions to help him both guard and exploit this knowledge. Quelfbert retains no memory of events that occurred before he entered his seclusion.

Spell casting ability: Intelligence   Spell save DC: 12   Spell attack bonus: 4

Cantrips: Light, Mage Hand, Firebolt

Level 1 spells: Slots: 2, Known: Find Familiar, Identify, Mage Armor, Magic Missile, Sleep, Unseen Servant

So there he is, in all his newbie glory. Please feel free to berate me for messing it up, or explain how much better you could have done it, or show it to all your friends, or just send me money (hey, it’s worth a shot). like it, love it, click, click, click.

Pain (making his triumphant return to DDN- remember kids, don’t try to do a sweet kickflip off a tiger. Learned that the hard way)