You can all finally breathe again, ladies and gentlemen- G.P. Humongous is back! And in fact, after a brief cabaret tour through the French-Canadian wilderness, I must say I’m feeling quite vigorous. Nothing sets the humours to rights like a bit of gin and dressing in ladies’ clothing, I always say.
But enough about the intrigues of a handsome, burly, and available New-Englishman (who seeks the same, wink, wink), let’s move on to the reason we all have carpal tunnel syndrome.
When last we left, I had been regaling you with the anecdotes of my Orkish forces and their a-typical leader, Draaz. Their tales promise to continue, with new and greater adventures and exploits than ever before! Let me assure you, under the protective shadow of Draaz’ good graces, the Mekboy Bitzbarfer has flourished, producing war machines and hulking metal monstrosities the likes of which may never have been seen before amongst the Orks.
In addition to Draaz and his countless hordes, I now field a second army; the Catachan 9th Witch Doctors. These highly irregular Imperials field a number of unique units, including their notorious “Battle Toads;” horse-sized poisonous tree frogs with heavy bolters or Sentinel cabs strapped to their backs. The Witch Doctors also boast an impressive sylvan fortress, which will be featured in its own article, along with a literal forest of foliage, plant-life, and jungle terrain tips.
The infamous international mercenaries, Hicks and Snout, will be joining us as well. Hicks will be featured in our (lengthy, informative, and enriching) strategy and tactics discussions, wherein grown men busy themselves with the finer points of moving tiny plastic men across a table top (a worthy past-time). Snout will be showcasing her brand-new -and yet quite fearsome- force of Space Wolves. As she is new to Warhammer 40k (and table-top strategy gaming in general), she and I will explore the many ardors which confront a gamer new to the genre. Despite her gender disadvantage (I do prefer the males), her stellar record in killing regular-size real men promises to translate into a stellar record in killing tiny plastic men.
In addition to Warhammer 40000, we’ll be digging up a gem presented early in this blog’s history by Pain. I’m talking about Dungeons Lite, of course, and we’ll be conducting thorough beta testing and research of that still-almost-totally-virgin game system. I must say, the prospect of a swifter, simpler (perhaps, more elegant?) game has a great deal of allure for this burlesque dancer.
In conclusion, I leave you with the explanation behind this post’s title; the minis in this article must remain as ethereal as the titular phantom; oft discussed, yet unseen. Forgive me, oh reader, yet I ask of you to tarry. Soon, very soon, something wicked this way comes.
G.P. Humongous (Those burly hockey boys loved our show in Quebec)